


Growing Pains

by MissTerry



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTerry/pseuds/MissTerry
Summary: Every time I see him there's an ache in my chest and I get weaker. Every time I'm with him my life gets shorter and the pain grows. Like a root that keeps growing and attaching to the ground.





	1. Chapter 1

I was practicing our Black suit choreography when I suddenly felt dizzy, I continued dancing when my legs become weaker and I fell down. I felt a pang in my chest and I clenched my shirt, an action to try to stop the pain in my heart, it was getting harder to breathe.

"HYUKJAE!" Donghae immediately rushed to my side, but it just makes things worst. I was suddenly coughing roughly, I felt something come up but I swallowed it down, there were black spots appearing and I felt something growing in my lungs and then I lost consciousness.

I woke up in a hospital bed, I scrunched my eyes at the bright light that was sipping through my closed eyelids, There was an IV attached to my arm and then I heard his voice. "Hyukie? You awake?" I jolted from my bed because I felt an enormous amount of pain, The bed rattled because of my sudden movement. I saw Donghae rushed to go outside and call for a nurse. All I could think of is pain and how it freaking hurt. It hurts so much, this was much more painful than a panic attack. My heart, it felt like someone was crushing it.

I didn't notice the nurse approaching me.

"Sir? Can you hear me?" She asked softly like a Mother asking a crying child since I couldn't trust my voice I just nodded.

"Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?" she asked again and I shake my head. The only thing that is functioning right now is my ears. I got exhausted and I couldn't hear anything anymore, The only thing I could hear was buzzing. Then I lost consciousness for the second time and hopefully the last.

The second time I opened my eyes, there was an oxygen mask (is this a thing?) attached to my face. What's happening to me? How are they? (suju members) How long was I unconscious? I have a lot of questions popping up in my head and because of that, I have a headache.

"Eunhyuk can you see me?" Someone asked, I turned my head to the voice and it was Yesung. I nodded my head as a confirmation that I could see him.

He rushed to my side and was brushing my hair with his hands, it was comforting. I removed my mask, "Hyung, how long was I out?" I asked, my voice hurting and came out hoarsely." You've been out for three days" he answered.

"Wow it was only three days and you made it sound like I was out for a century" I joked and chuckled, He was glaring at me and I just laughed at him. I never get tired of teasing hyung.

"Did the Doctor tell you what's happening with me?" I asked, He looked at me intensely and I slowly covered my face with the blanket.

"Nope, he said you should hear about it first." He answered I removed the blanket that was covering my face and just stared at him. He sighed and went out telling me he'll call my doctor.

While I was alone, I was getting anxious. Do I have cancer? Or a tumor? Or...something much worst? I was the scared cause, what if my condition was that bad to the point that I was dying? I haven't told Donghae about what I feel about him.

When I thought about Donghae, I felt another itchy sensation in my throat and I began coughing roughly and I was shocked that a petal came out from my mouth it was a... yellow carnation. I know what it means, Leeteuk told me before as a random fact it means 'Disappointment and Rejection'. I'm confused why did I coughed petals? I was thinking so much that I didn't notice someone, enter the room.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lee Hyukjae," He told me with a serious tone, I was getting nervous and I think he sensed it and smiled warmly at me or is it sympathy?

" I'll tell you straight to point you have Hanahaki disease" he paused and looked at me to see my reaction and my face reflects confusion, so he continued what he was saying. "Hanahaki disease is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. Also, romantic love is what is needed, a strong friendship isn't enough." He explained, I looked at him dumbfounded. I couldn't process what he just said. So I let it process for a moment.

Hanahaki Disease.

One sided love.

Feelings returned or...

Death?

Romantic love.

It means I'm dying because I'm in love?

It means that Donghae... doesn't love me back?

With that in thought, I was coughing petals again, my bed is covered with yellow carnations.

The Doctor looks at me sympathetically and I looked away, if I continue like this I'll die but If I get it removed I wouldn't feel... I couldn't continue what I was thinking and I felt warm tears flow on my cheeks. Sobs were shaking my already weak frame. The doctor excused himself and went out. I swipe my hand across the petals that came out from my mouth and let it all fall on the floor.

Maybe I'll try confessing to him? But I already know the outcome so what's the point of it anyway? It wouldn't hurt to try? I guess. Who am I kidding I'm dying here and I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt?

Should I just get surgery? With that, I could still live and be with the members and fans. But I wouldn't feel love towards him anymore.

Would it be worth it?

To die or To not feel love?

To Let the pain grow? Or to Let the love go?

With all these things happening my brain starts to ache again, so I decided to shut my eyes and sleep. Hoping there would be an answer to my questions tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Hyukjae woke up and sat up, the members were immediately by his side the moment he woke up. They bombarded him with questions and he was getting annoyed by them. Donghae knew the expression he's showing.

"Yah Shut up! Give him some space!" Donghae shouted at them, some glared at him and some step back from Hyukjae. Leeteuk approached Donghae.

Leeteuk nagged at Donghae about some members are older than him, that he could have said it much more quietly, and how he should be this loud when they're on a variety show. The members laughed at the scene that they saw, like a mother disciplining her child.

Hyukjae laughed as well but he was a coughing fit, Yesung patted his back. "You okay?" He asked, "I'm gonna die" Hyukjae answered, mocking Yesung voice. They were laughing again and Hyukjae just smiled. Cause what he said is the truth, he already chosen a decision. He's willing to die for Donghae, he hopes that the Fans wouldn't be devastated when he died. It isn't the final decision though, he was still having second thoughts. What if SUJU disbands just because he died? What if they blame each other? There are many things that should be considered that's why he was still thinking of having surgery.

The members noticed Hyukjae quietness and they were worried, 'it doesn't suit Hyukjae' they thought. They informed Hyukjae that he could go back to the dorm later and they were glad to see the light in his eyes again. Now Hyukjae is blabbering how boring it was in the hospital.

'Time to go home!'Hyukjae thought, Shindong went out to inform the front desk. The members help Hyukjae stand up and Donghae held Hyukjae waist, Hyukjae felt the itchy sensation again, he could feel the petals in his mouth and swallowed it down. He wants to enjoy this moment, Donghae held him tightly and Hyukjae blushed. Siwon notices that Hyukjae was red as a tomato, he went to him and put his hand on Hyukjae's forehead, Hyukjae blushed even more for the action.

"Are you okay Eunhyuk? Your face is warm." Siwon asked, Donghae looked at Hyukjae and notices that his face is indeed bright red and warm. Siwon slowly put his hand that was on Hyukjae's forehand to his cheek. Donghae saw what he's doing, he pulled Hyukjae away from him and glared at Siwon. "I'm okay Siwon! Thank you for your concern!" Hyukjae replied He was confused because Donghae is acting weird...more than the usual weird.

The members arrived at the parking lot, Hyukjae and Donghae first got in the vehicle. They were beside each other, Hyukjae slips his head onto Donghae's shoulder. Donghae looked at Hyukjae and smiled warmly at him, Hyukjae returned the action. While the other members were getting inside, Hyukjae fell asleep. When he woke up, they already arrived at the dorm. He was confused about how he got into his and Donghae's room. 

"I carried you." Donghae whispered into Hyukjae's ear, Hyukjae screamed (take note a manly scream) and fell off the bed. Donghae laughed and help him stand up, Hyukjae looked at him annoyed. "Sorry about that." he apologized to Hyukjae. 

"You're a creep," Hyukjae said pretending to be scared of Donghae, Donghae slowly approaches Hyukjae until he pinned him to the wall. "Well only to you," Donghae whispered huskily to Hyukjae's ear.

Hyukjae felt another itchy sensation in his throat and started coughing, He held onto Donghae for support but it makes things worst. Hyukjae feel the petals on his mouth, So he dashed to the bathroom, locked it and vomited. He was frightened by what he saw, it was a flower, not a petal. A flower, A fully bloomed Yellow Carnation. 

He cried, it means Donghae doesn't feel the same way about him. He could hear someone knocking but he was too tired to respond. He just sat there on the bathroom floor. After a few minutes, he regained enough energy to stand and clean the bathroom. He flushed the toilet and throw all the petals that fell from the flower to the bin.

When he unlocked the door, it immediately open and everyone was dragging him out of the bathroom. They ask him if he was alright and he replied that he was okay. Hyukjae ignored the other questions and them, and he went to his room. 

H Y U K J A E's POV

Maybe I should get surgery, I don't want to regret anything though. I fell down on my bed and think.

How about I tell the members first about my condition and ask them for advice?

How about I confess to Donghae and if he rejects me then I'll get surgery?

I was thinking of a plan when someone come in, Speaking of the devil. "Hey Hyukkie, you alright?" I turn away from him facing the wall, I don't want him to see me coughing the petals. I felt someone lie beside me and then he hugged me. I was now coughing more roughly than before, he was patting my back but it didn't help. I covered my mouth with my hand to prevent the flowers from falling. "Please leave me alone for a while... tell them that I'll be out in just a moment," I said weakly, I felt him remove his hands that were holding me and went out of the room.

I quickly cleaned up my bed and went out, They were in the living room. They lifted their heads when they heard me come in. I seated on the couch beside Yesung. There was an uncomfortable vibe in the living room.

"I have the hanahaki disease," I said sadly, They were looking at me confused so I explained to them what hanahaki is. " It's a disease where the victim regurgitates and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. The illness can only be cured through surgical removal, however, any existing romantic feelings are also removed with the infection." 

"Is that the only way?" Heechul asked, I shake my head and explained further. "It can also be cured if the one I'm in love with feels the same way about me, Also strong friendship isn't enough, unfortunately." 

"Then who is it?" I sighed and looked up to the one who asked that question.

"You, I fell in love with you Lee Donghae," I said seriously, Donghae's eyes were widened and Leeteuk told the others to leave us alone. To talk about the situation.

"So you love me?" he asked me, I sang the song 'Signal' by twice.

"Trying to let you know

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

I must let you know

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

I must let you know

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

But it won't go through

Giving you a look, trying to make you notice

But you don't get it

I'm so frustrated, going crazy

I don't know why this is happening

I'll gather up my strength once more and

Send you a sign, send a signal

My looks, my gestures, all my facial expressions

There's no use, nothing works

You have no tact at all

How much more can I express my feelings?

From some point, I started liking you

You fool

Why don't you know my heart?

When are you going to stop being so dumb

And only treat me as a friend?

'Cause that's not what I want

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

 

I want you, I want you

But why aren't you reacting?

Every time we meet, with all my heart

I'm waiting, you can see everything

But why don't you know?

Trying to let you know

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

I must let you know

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

If I look at you and smile, you should know

I've already looked at you and smiled so many times today

If I keep talking to you, you should feel it

I keep staying by your side

From some point, I started liking you

You fool

Why don't you know my heart?

When are you going to stop being so dumb

And only treat me as a friend?

'Cause that's not what I want

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

 

I want you, I want you

But why aren't you reacting?

Every time we meet, with all my heart

 

I'm waiting, you can see everything

But why don't you know?

 

Why aren't you reacting?

 

Why don't you know?

Sending you a sign, sending a signal

But it won't go through

Giving you a look, trying to make you notice

But you don't get it

I'm so frustrated, going crazy

I don't know why this is happening

I'll gather up my strength once more and

Send you a sign, send a signal.

When I started singing he was laughing at me, While I was singing I was also dancing the choreography of the song. I made silly faces while singing and he was laughing loudly, I'm glad that I was making him happy but after I sang I was a coughing fit. I hope he got the message.

He didn't approach me cause he knew he would only make things worst.

"So I guess I'll just have surgery huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End~
> 
> Just Kidding! hehe, Please do tell me if you see anything...incorrect.
> 
> The next chapter would be last!
> 
> Will Hyukjae have surgery? or
> 
> Will he be saved? or...
> 
> Will he die?
> 
> That's all ciao~


	3. Chapter 3

" So I guess I'll have surgery huh?"

The Next Day...

At last fresh air, it was so suffocating in the hospital. After I did what I had to do and get what is needed I contacted my boyfriend to pick me up.

While I was waiting for him, I was still thinking if what I did was the right decision. Well as long as everyone is happy, I'm happy as well. I saw a car pull over on my spot, he opened the door for me and I got in the car.

"I didn't think you would agree to pick me up, Yesung-hyung," I said while chuckling, He only looks at me as if I was an alien and turns his focus on the road again. "Congrats on the new song of D&E by the way," he said, I blushed when I heard that. I was embarrassed, cause the lyrics of our song they say it was obvious that we're the one who wrote it. "Thanks, hyung," I said shyly.

We arrived at the dorm and there he goes running towards me and hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up! Shindong Hyung said we would probably go on a date if I was the who picked you up." my boyfriend Donghae said frantically, "Yeah that would probably happen, by the way, how did you convince Yesung hyung?" I asked him laughing.

He told me that it wasn't him who convinced Yesung but Shindong, He said that Yesung was a faster driver that's why Shindong convinced Yesung to pick me up. When I remembered Shindong I immediately went to him and give him the medicine he asks for, It was for a stomach ache. 

I'm happy that it all went well, I sat on the couch. Donghae sat beside me and I place my head onto his shoulder and rest. Cause we'll have a concert tomorrow.

Flashback

"So I guess I'll just have surgery huh?" I muttered to myself, I felt Donghae arms pull me and felt his soft lips in mine. And he's kissing me. He's everywhere up my back and over my arms and suddenly he's kissing me harder, deeper, with a fervent urgent need I've never known before.

I was shocked, my eyes were wider than before and I kissed him back. I didn't feel the itchy sensation anymore, I feel lighter, Lighthearted. He was kissing me passionately as if he's afraid I wouldn't feel his love toward me. Our lips separated and we were panting.

"I'm sorry hyukkie, I wasn't sure of my feelings before but when I heard your song and that you'll have surgery I felt a pang in my heart. I was thinking what if you had surgery then you wouldn't look at me like before and I was frightened. Thinking that you'll lose your love for me, That I'll lose you. I'm sorry that because of me you had to experience this. I'm sorry and I love you, I love you so much that just the thought of you looking blankly at me already breaks my heart." he confessed to me, I was stunned, shock and every word that has the same meaning to it.

Donghae loves me, He loves me. 

I hugged him tightly and told him that I love him too.

I heard some cheering and saw the members at the door looking at us happily.

Both of us was crying, Finally, we could be free from the chains that were holding us apart.

Finally, the Growing pain that both of us felt was gone. 

After that day we wrote lyrics for another D&E song, it was titled 'Can you feel it?' the game that the song mention was the Game of Fate. It also mentioned how the fight is already over and that I'm a lucky guy to have Donghae. We were all friends from the start but I'm happy that it didn't stay there. That we're glad we can calmly enjoy a victory, The members also helped us writing, that the title 'Can you feel it?' means, Can you feel it? The Love that I feel? and the answer is Yes. The song is also for our fans a.k.a E.L.F.

 

And now here we are at the studio, giving our manager the lyrics and gladly he approved of it. The next day we were recording our song. It has an upbeat rhythm.

I got a feeling  
I got a feeling  
I got a feeling  
Alright, Can you feel it? Can you feel it?  
I got a feeling  
I got a feeling  
I got a feeling  
Yeah, Can you feel it? Can you feel it?

Yo, Everybody, stop as you are  
Move out of the way of these two hot guys  
Me? I'm a super lucky guy  
I'll captivate the game with just my feel  
Are you ready? Let's start it now  
You can drool but the fight is already over  
A perfect play with no room for questioning  
Born with it, winner DNA

Call them, call them, your friend, my friend, we're all friends  
Come here, come here, her friend, my friend, we're all friends  
Feel it, feel it, yo friend, your friend no my friend  
So giddy up, giddy up, gather around  
(Can you feel it? Can you feel it?)

I'll just hit it like whatever but it'll be a home run  
You won't believe it even when you see it, it's crazy  
I'll just kick it like whatever but it'll be a hat trick  
If I give a little strength, game set  
(Can you feel it? Can you feel it?)

It's not just skill, it's art, no one can come close  
I never miss the target, zero space  
I can calmly enjoy victory (That's right)

Whatever I do, I'll succeed, come at me world  
I have instincts, sharp senses, a man of man  
I'm on a different level, A to Z  
If I try, success 100%  
Talking about it would only hurt my lips  
What to do? The game is over

My confidence goes through the roof  
My condition is so nice, everyone falls back  
I'll do an all-kill with just a finger, a crazy presence  
I'll change the flow in the air  
(Can you feel it? Can you feel it?)

All paths and doors open up  
I'm going fast, limitlessly  
I never miss the target, zero space  
I can calmly enjoy victory (That's right) (Can you feel it? Can you feel it?)

Present

We're here now at our concert, as soon as I woke up they were running around when Leeteuk saw me he dragged me and to the bathroom and I took a bath. 

And he we are.

With my Family.

With my Love.

And with my Ever Lasting Friends.

I took a deep breath and went to the stage, We performed Black suit our new song, This is love, Mamacita, Sorry sorry and much more. The members told us to perform you feel it?' so we did, While I was singing my part Donghae stand beside me and kissed my cheeks. I was blushing so hard I think I was redder than Rudolf's nose. The E.L.F was screaming saying they're ship has finally sailed.

"Everyone! I want to announce that HaeHyuk is official!" Donghae announced I just look at him dumbfounded, The E.L.F was even louder now. Everyone was cheering even the members. "No one can touch him without my permission, I'm talking about you guys," he said and pointed at the members.

The E.L.F squealed and all I could be standing there, He hugged me and whispered: "Guess I'm the husband and you're the wife."

I think I regretted my decision...

Just Kidding! Life's too short for regrets, So just move on and continue walking. Accept the situation you're in, You're frustrated cause the situation you're in wasn't the situation you imagined. Accept and Go with the Flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all ciao~


	4. Chapter 4

After the release of 'Can you feel it?' we wrote another song and it is titled 'Growing pains', I wrote the lyrics while I still have the hanahaki disease. When I thought that there was no hope, Some lyrics were written by Donghae when he was still unsure.

We went to the studio hand in hand, people were looking at our hands and Donghae intertwined it. I was a blushing mess, we arrived at our manager's office gave our lyrics and the rhythm the members made.

We waited for a couple of hours, They were checking if our lyrics and rhythm would make a perfect harmony and it did. Well, we are Super Junior.

So both of us went to the recording room and our manager gave us a Go sign and we sang.

This cold night street  
These heartbreaking footsteps  
Someday, it'll all pass  
Memories of us crazily in love  
It will slowly flow down  
Forgotten with time (Forgotten)

I tried going into your closed heart  
But in this empty room  
I discovered ourselves already broken  
So it hurts

But I hope you aren't hurting as much as me  
I hope for this every day, countlessly  
I hope you won't remember as much as I do  
I hope you're better than me (oh today and tomorrow)

My thoughts that were filled with you  
Even those thoughts push me away  
as if they're irritated  
I chase after the clock hands, chase after time  
But there, I discovered you leaving  
I'm in a rush and you're in a hurry to leave  
Like an express train, my footsteps are  
rushed every day - (Surrendered to the memories)  
Now we're like an old  
and a worn notebook filled with scribbles

I tried going into my lost memories  
But now I can't see you  
I discovered ourselves already disappeared  
So it hurts (it hurts so much)

But I hope you aren't hurting as much as me  
I hope for this every day, countlessly  
I hope you won't remember as much as I do  
I hope you're better than me (oh today and tomorrow)

One Two Three Four Five (I put it all down today)  
I guess I'm forgetting (I can't really see you)  
Five Four Three Two One, I think the time is up

But I hope you aren't hurting as much as me  
I hope for this every day, countlessly  
I hope you won't remember as much as I do  
I hope you're better than me (oh today and tomorrow)

We sang with our hearts, The staff were clapping when we were done the singing. Our Manager told us that it was perfect and will soon give a copy of our song.

After that, we went out and I halted, He noticed that I wasn't by his side anymore and look behind him. I was crying, when he saw my tears he rushed to me and hugged me.

"It's okay, Your fine now," he told me, I hugged him back and just cried. I was thankful that my condition got better, I was thankful that Donghae love me back, I was thankful that the seed of pain I planted and was growing is now rotten

Because Donghae Loves me.

And his there for me.

Ending our Growing pains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!
> 
> I hope you like it guys! Friendly reminder that English is not my first language and I'm an amateur writer If you find any mistake or anything I could improve you comment it down :)
> 
> Thank you for Reading Growing Pains.
> 
> That's all ciao~

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is a HaeHyuk/Eunhae Fanfic, it would probably be short maybe 2-3 chapters. I decided to write a Hanahaki Au since I rarely find a EunHae/HaeHyuk fanfic with that kind of au.
> 
> I apologize in advance if there are some wrong grammar in my story, English is not my first language.
> 
> Also, comment on what could I improve on. I hope you like this Fanfic! Love lots and Take care of yourself!
> 
> That's all Ciao~


End file.
